The exams of class tenth are over. Every one was worrying about what subjects to take further. The most popular were science, commerce and arts. I choose non-medical. It was April 1997. I join tuition for Mathematics. I was badly under influence of bad company of lewd colleges. I was very near to be addict.
I was a patriotic from heart since birth. May be this was the only thing that God saw in me and changed my life with his short blessing. He showed me what is real love and power of love. He showed me for the first time that love is pure and different from sex.
In the tuition, I met a girl name Radhika. She was very cool minded girl, having good knowledge of spirituality and interpersonal relations. She had solution of about all problems at the age of 15. I was amazed at her personality. I was very much moved by her way of handling and solving problems of others. The person like me who only thought girls is just a toy for pleasure that time; the nature of Radhika was really a new and great.
As good students, we knew each other and solved problems of mathematics with joint effort. But one thing was striking my mind why should not I was able to like her. I wanted to be problem solver like her. I told her that how she solved the personal problems of others very easily. She replied its God that solve problem, she just request God and ask for solution.
I told her I want to be a good problem solver like her. She replied, “It is very easy, just ask God for solution. You should be pure hearted with God and ask him/her like a child, friend or other lovable relation. God always replies to his/her lovable person.”
I was amazed how God replies. I told her it’s not true, God can’t reply. She told me that she can teach me how to communicate with God. I just want to be a good problem solver so I asked her to teach me the way, I am ready.
This was the first step towards our good relation. This was the entrance of the sinful person like me in the world of spirituality. She told me, “Welcome to the world of spirituality.” My aim was just to be a good problem solver by any means.
She asked me, for what a human is living. I thought deeply and reply human is living for money, food and sex. She smiled and ask me again, “Is aim of living is same for human and animals? If is same then why God gave special power of Intelligence of humans, not to animals. It means there would be special purpose for human. Is not it?”
She always made me to think. And I thought according to my knowledge. By this way she was teaching me spiritual knowledge. I replied Sorry I could not find any other reason for what human is living. She replied, “Look at your father, is earning money is the only reason for him. If it is true, then why he was wasting his time and money on family? Animals make their child independent after feeding, in young age. But human still bind in family. It means mutual love of family is more important than money for human. If human has money and not happy family then it is of no use as mentally he would not be patience. Now look at love of human towards their child. Human try to protect their spouse but protection of children is the first choice. What a human want from his child for himself. Absolute nothing. Still love and care child without any avarice and sex feelings. It means sex and money are not first choice. If thus then no one can bind with family and children.”
I had no reason to deny the fact. I accepted it. I was not only learning the true things about life but also how to teach by practical examples and by asking questions. Really, this was a great change in my nature. I started respect girls.

We mutually try to solve problems of others. A great change in nature. I grasped complete Srimad-Bhagvatgita. I collected good ideas from the teachings and try to experiment on myself first. She was always with me. I started love her. I told her I like her and I want she always be with me. She replied, “Its God who made us to meet, and our purpose is same to work for upliftment of society. My parents and I would have no objection. I think you are a true and good life partner.”
We study as well as discuss our ideas with each other. I don’t know but soon I feel she is just a part of my life. I couldn’t think without her. I told her that I am becoming dependant on her. She replied, “Always be independent. Stand on your own feet and teach others to stand on their own feet. Don’t ever become depend on anything. Also don’t make others to depend on you. God make every person to be independent. Still affection of hearts and group work join every person with other person. So take assistance from others but must not depend. If you truly want to be depend on others then depend on God. He is the only person or power on which we should depend. Love is other thing but dependence is as salvation. Love doesn’t mean salvation. Love means independence, trust and respect. Love means guidance, blessings, and really God.”
I told affection and love has a slight boundary of separation. She smiles and asked me,”What you have learnt from Bhagavad-Gita? Love is spiritual but affection is physical. Love is pure but affection is impure as body of human impure. Love is aroma, love is music, love is feeling of respect, love is feeling of sacrifice, love is nature and love is breeze. But affection is physical or sexual attraction, affection is feeling of getting the person or thing without knowing other’s view, affection is wild and dangerous for humanity. I want you to love me but if you are in affection then you should convert it to love by meditation.” I ask her how to do it.
She told me with meditation one can change his/her mind, decades old habits and develop new habits and nourish mind with new ideas. She asked me come to her home for the first time. I went there and meet the Goddess, her mother, who teaching her spirituality since birth. She took me to meditation room. It was a very calm and silent room. She told me to take long breathes. I did so. She said, “Slow the speed of breathes in and out. Take long and deep breathes”. After about three minutes she said, “Concentrate on incoming and going-out breathes. While breathing-in visualize God is giving you his love. You are in lap of the omnipotent. Feel the love. Be happy. There is no room of any materialistic substance. Just you and your friend and father God. God loves his child. Just visualize it. Be happy and thanks God. There is pure love here and there. No affection at all.”
This was a very good experience and I don’t have any words to describe my good experience. I started this meditation daily while sitting in room or in travelling. My practise for meditation made to meditate while riding on cycle too or even in very noisy place. She made me confident and spiritual.

She told me to read Upanishads, Guru Granth Sahib, for good ideas and teachings. She guided me to do so. This was our real love for each other. We knew each other very well. She always said, ”It is God that is doing all the things and the universe is his creation. We can think only limited view but it’s the Creator who knows what to do for the good future of Universe. Let him do his work and let we do our work. If any thing unfavourable happens then don’t blame ever God as every thing is his creation and no body can think at the level the God is thinking. So accept the unfavourable situation as any other situation and just do your duty for the world. Do not attach yourself by heart. Love everyone, but do not attach personally as the attachment give rise to affection.”

The long period with Radhika was the best period of my life. It was June 21, 1998; she left me, and the world for ever. An accident forced her to leave her old body; and reincarnated any other holy body. She was really a Goddess. I know what I lost then. I know I can not find such a precious gift of God. I came to first time that if every thing is alright, then too every thing can change in just 5 seconds. I don’t know from where I find the Goddess again.

It was a real love. After about 10 years, she is still alive in my heart and my thinking. After that incident any girl I think is good, I made my sister. I know no one can take place of the Goddess. But my love not ended here.

I was very much shocked. No one at my home knew what had happened. Now God want me to happy and normal. He gave duty to my cousin as good as my real elder sister, to cheer me. She was at Jammu. She taught me how to smile. She was my great teacher. I first time feel the love of sister. I respect the relation and that’s why I make every good girl a sister. My handwriting was out of readability. She teaches me how to write. She teaches me how to smile. I came out of shock in 2001 when went to Chandigarh. Really elder sisters are blessings of God. Thank to God again.

But still, Radhika’s memories always with me. I broke lots of times but her love and care always with me. I caught in affections by own made sisters. When every I caught in affection, it always result in misunderstanding, or other things. Time itself is a big tutor. So in my views if you have great love in your heart just spread it is the world but do not personally attached with anyone.

I know what I have lost in my life. I lost my love but still when become very depressed and alone she always come to me and give me courage and love, teach me to love all.